Spud's Rambling Rants

You read tons about the dangers of firecrackers and playing with fire and all the stuff hooligans supposedly like to play with, but have you checked out dry ice bombs?

Good god, these things are scary. Basically, you fill a 2L waterbottle 1/4 to 1/2 full of water and then put little chunks of dry ice in. Now screw the cap on tight, throw, and run like hell. When the water freezes, the bottle literally explodes. Normally, it only takes until the bottle is thrown and it hits the ground with enough force to explode but it's possible that it could take minutes if you just leave it there. And what do people do? They kick it, pick it up and throw it, all to get it to explode. Just as destructive as a M80, probably louder.

Fun? Safe, you say?

Probably a plastic cap to the head.

Not that this stuff is new. Oh no, it's been around for a while.

Search up "dry ice bomb" on google video and...

Quite a few videos on there. Quite a few. The vast majority of them homemade videos on random people who made some bombs.

Here's how it works.

This is so moronic it's actually funny. Kinda morbid though.

This is a cool sort of montage. However, I put it on here because I think it's notable that the first one they explode (the Pepsi bottle) chips off a two by two inch square of asphalt from the road.

Starting to look a bit dangerous, isn't it?

Here's one. "How to Blow up your Hand 2"

The last video I have for you is something you shouldn't take lightly. If you thought the picture was pretty disgusting (very disgusting, now that I think about it), then this is horrifying. I'm serious. Don't watch this if you can't handle it.

If you didn't watch it, then you'll have to imagine what might happen in the aforementioned video in your head. Now if you did watch it, you may have noticed that it was titled "How to Blow up your Hand 3". Which isn't really a big deal, because it could just be the same user finding videos of dry ice bomb accidents, attaching a title fade in at the beginning of each movie with iMovie (or, god forbid, Windows Movie Maker), and calling them his own. However: if you were really attentive you may have also noticed that the ending part in both of them has the same audio (where the "guy" recording the video is saying "yeah, yeah. there's nothing you can do about that"). So something fishy is going on. I'm not saying however, that these aren't real; I have no idea how they could be faked, especially the second one. All I know that these things are pretty damn scary.

Constructing dry ice bombs is illegal in some of the states. Dunno what the law is up here in Canada.

You know what, I don't mind some of the forms of teenage rowdyism; I love firecrackers for one. But sweet jesus, the people who know that holding a Mighty Mite in their clenched fist results in a blown off hand somehow don't get the fact that a two litre bottle under high chemical pressure does, in fact, have a shitload of more destructive potential then a tenth of a gram of black powder!

In middle class life there are three ways to prospering and living comfortably:

1) Live like a proper daughter should in the burbs, do well in school, go to a nice old school college, climb the corporate ladder, get married at 26, knocked up at 28, have 2.1 kids, retire at 60 with a nice RRSP.

2) Live like a proper son should, draft into the major league sport of your choice, retire at 30 with money coming out multiple orifices. 3) Live like any normal kid, do whatever you want, have 4 children at the age of 22, follow them around with cheap video camera, send videos in to America's Funniest Home videos until one eventually wins you ten grand. Buy something luxurious. Repeat until laughing all the way to bank.

Good god, I used to think that show was funny. And some of the time it is. But man, anyone with a fat toddler and a black market sony cam can make a wad of cash. Half the clips on that damn show are parents who stage their little stinker's habits that are so hucking filarious, supposedly. And we get subjected to that.

About a week or so ago there was a AFV rerun on TV of a $100,000 season finale special that was a year or so old. Throughout the one hour episode they play the six clips that are eligible for the $100,000 grand prize and an all-expenses paid trip to Disneyland. At the end they line up all six families onstage. ALL SIX videos focus on children that are no more then six years of age at most. Every single one has no element of humour whatsoever. One almost makes it, with the crude humour shot: a little five year old girl is being filmed in her dad's arms, throwing an absolute tantrum cause she doesn't have a penis. This is just enough to crack a smile at, but she completely ruins what little humour there is by finally frowning and saying straight to the camera: "I want to go to Disneyland!" So the audience gets to vote, and, as it's made up of entirely mid twenty somethings who just got married and want a picture perfect family of their own, they think, I'm going to vote for which kid is the cutest! And of course the worst one wins. Some two year old boy that's vainly trying to drink from a garden hose, and each time he bends over he accidentally blocks the water with his little two year old pants, and he can't drink the water. Hee-larious. And the family who has done jack squat, gets 100,000 greenbacks and a trip to the Happiest Place on Earth.

You know what? You suck, ABC.

At least once in our lives, I think all of us sit back and think: why is ping-pong an Olympic sport?

I certainly think that sometimes. And I do call it ping-pong, not table tennis, mainly because ping-pong is an amusing name.

Yet there are some sports that are so amazingly ridiculous that I have no idea how they have become so popular.

Rubik's Cube Speed-cubing I can see.

But Speed Stacking?

Puh-leaze.

If you're too lazy to check out that link, you may be asking what Speed Stacking is. I quote, straight from the horse's mouth:

What is Sport Stacking?
Sport stacking is an exciting individual and team sport where participants stack and unstack 12 specially designed plastic cups (Speed Stacks) in pre-determined sequences.

Individually, stackers race against the clock for fastest or best times. Stackers also compete on a relay team racing against another team in head-to-head competition.

With practice, a person can stack at lightning speed that has to be seen to be believed!

What is the sport used for?
Sport Stacking can be individualized, allowing each student to work to success at his/her own level. It is also geared to include students of all ability levels, allowing every student to succeed, while still challenging the more fit and athletic students.

Students learn not only how to be physically active, but WHY; and how to take personal responsibility for this critical aspect of their lives.

Increasing bilateral proficiency (equal performance on both sides of the body) develops a greater percentage of the right side of the brain which houses awareness, focus, creativity and rhythm.

What does sport stacking do for me?
Sport stacking promotes many skills used in a number of other sports.

 

"Students learn not only how to be physically active, but WHY; and how to take personal responsibility for this critical aspect of their lives." Give me a break.

• And here are supposedly true testimonials made by "everyday speed stackers". Note the fact that none of the ages of these testifiers exceeds eleven years old [Edit: OK, thirteen].

FIRST NAME & LAST NAME'S INITIAL*		AGE	DATE IT WAS SAID
Kristen	F	10	03/12/04
WHAT WAS SAID:
"Cup stacking helped to be better at video games. I love video games, and thanks to cup stacking none of my friends can beat me! I have to admit, who ever came up with cup stacking, I salute you."

FIRST NAME & LAST NAME'S INITIAL*		AGE	DATE IT WAS SAID
Blake	P	7	04/17/04
WHAT WAS SAID:
"Piano came easier, Before I would never be fast enough, or I would mess up every five minutes. Now piano is as easy as 123."

FIRST NAME & LAST NAME'S INITIAL*		AGE	DATE IT WAS SAID
Janet	L	10	04/16/04
WHAT WAS SAID:
I plan on using my skills as a speedstacker to help other people become better stackers.

Ahhh, very helpful, Janet. With luck you could not only do that, but also get a Ph.D in Psychology, win the PGA tour, and volunteer for the soup kitchen on Tuesdays and Thursdays! What a helpful skill cup-stacking is!

FIRST NAME & LAST NAME'S INITIAL*		AGE	DATE IT WAS SAID
Justin	C	8	04/17/04
WHAT WAS SAID:
"Basketball, Football, all kinds of sports. The ones that keep the sweat inside of my shorts. Yes, cup stacking and basketball and even with my band, Anything that I have to do with both of my hands."

I can only think of one skill that cup-stacking would make a boy better at that requires both hands. But he hasn't mentioned it.

FIRST NAME & LAST NAME'S INITIAL*		AGE	DATE IT WAS SAID
Alex	R	11	04/18/04
WHAT WAS SAID:
Another activity I am better at is gymnastics. Speed Stacks has helped me in gymnastics by making my wrists stronger when I do a round-off double back-handspring.

FIRST NAME & LAST NAME'S INITIAL*		AGE	DATE IT WAS SAID
Maggie	B	13	04/20/04
WHAT WAS SAID:
I have never liked basketball because I am never good at it.Since I have started cup stacking I have been making alot more baskets then I was when I was not stacking. Now I am even on a basketball team.

FIRST NAME & LAST NAME'S INITIAL*		AGE	DATE IT WAS SAID
Jessica	T	9	04/21/04
WHAT WAS SAID:
I will find that the more I practice the better I will get. Who knows maybe I will be the world champion.

"I will find that the more practice the better I will get". What a revolutionary discovery! And all thanks to cup stacking! What a marvelous sport.

FIRST NAME & LAST NAME'S INITIAL*		AGE	DATE IT WAS SAID
Chelsea	O	11	04/22/04
WHAT WAS SAID:
On rainy days nothing is better to do than Speed Stacks!

If you're eleven years old and your first idea when its a rainy day is to pull out those plastic cups and time yourself, you live a sad life indeed. Shame on you.

• Here we are, an excerpt from: How to Stack with Speed Stacks

The "greatest ones" used both hands.
Michelangelo often painted that way - using two brushes and two hands. That's because he was ambidexterous, also known as being bilaterally proficient. Wouldn't you like to be bilaterally proficient? Many elite athletes are, Michael Jordan, for instance. but why should Michael Jordan and Michelangelo get all the cool moves?

They get all the cool moves because they're celebrities (were, in the case of Michaelangelo), and you aren't. Dunking a twelve-foot basket is a cool move. Putting plastic cups on top of each other really fast is not, dumbass.

• Oh, and the Teens and Kids resource page:

Feel a sudden urge to stack? Can’t wait to get your Speed Stacks and StackMat in ready position? Got stacking on the brain? You’ve come to the right place! Welcome to the Speed Stacks Teens & Kids section!

• Yuck.

• And who can forget the oh-so-exciting video of the World Record Holder of Speed-Stacking, Emily Fox!

This calls for a self-administered neck-snap (Not really related, but it's Family Guy, and the Trix Rabbit owns some kids. Chortle).

Haha.

Piracy is fun.

"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"

Discuss.

God, I'm so afraid sometimes that someone is spontaneously going to call me up or say hi to me sometime and I'm not going to remember what they gave me for Christmas. It's already happened once. But I managed to worm out of that one.

My grandparents called yesterday. Here is an excerpt in a nutshell:

Grandpa: Hello! Merry Christmas!
Me: Why hello! Merry Christmas to you too! And thank you [at this point I realize this sentence is sort of automatic and I really can't remember what they gave me] for your gift!
Me: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, don't ask me anything about it, I liked it whatever it was, I just don't remember right now! Don't blame me if I can't remember!
Grandpa: Oh, no problem! You really liked it?
Me: Yeah, I've been anticipating that; looking forward to it! [various mumbling of random words that express gratitude as they pop into my head]

We get off Christmas for a while, and it's only until the exact moment I hang up a few minutes later that I remember what it was. Natch.

Yeah, so I haven't had the most motivation lately to do anything with this, for various reasons.

But that'll change. Spread the word.

Something that has always aggravated me? Celebrities. More specifically, their babies. More so, what they name their babies.

It seems every second celebrity who has had a baby in the last decade or so has given it the most ridiculous of names. Some are odd. Some are just downright weird.

I mean, Courtney Cox-Arquette (whom I've always despised on Friends; I've discovered I don't trust white women with long straight black hair) names her kid CoCo. Coco!?! What?  What were you high on when you were deciding baby names with your husband? And someone's named their baby Apple, I can't quite remember who. Ah, and it seems that David and Angela Bowie have named their baby Zowie. Seriously, can you imagine a kid named Zowie Bowie? Wow. Everytime I think of that name I get the giggles. And then there's just the gibberish ones. Richard Gere has a son named "Jigme". Kevin Bacon has a daughter named "Sosie". It's madness, I tell you. And these are the people who constantly complain TO THE MEDIA "Stop, we don't want any more attention, the papparazi almost ran over my dog!" sort of thing (and at this point I'd like to kindly inform you that being a papparazi is possibly the coolest job on the planet. I saw an Inside Edition report on this; you get paid six figure salaries AND you get to carry around a camera that has a lens scope longer than you are tall. Nice. Back to your scheduled broadcasting).

And that leads me to normal people and the way they name their children. Another thing that irks me? Parents who like to name their children with totally different misspellings of traditional names (most often substituting a "y" for an "i" or something similar). Let me think of an example...ah, here we are: Kaytlin. That sort of thing. Or Jayson. Or Terri. Or Amee (Yes, I personally know of a family who has named their daughter Amee. I seriously think they should be gassed to death). Note that this also seems to happen triple its normal rate in the American midwest; after all, with grizzled old farmers protecting their virgin daughters named "Bobbi-Sue" and "Sarah-Jayne", you'd practically expect there to be some letter-switching hijinks going on somewhere there.

Ah, and that leads me to one final annoyance: Parents who have identical twins and feel that they simply have to dress them up in exactly the same clothes, because they are oh so proud of their beautiful twins. I want to go up to them (usually just single mothers by themselves actually) and say "Excuse me? Ma'am? No one gives a shit."

OK, a few things have been happening around Spud's Rambling Rants. Firstly, kindly notice the wonderful banner up there that I paid Story Charms to make (in chips of course) from BlogShares. I'm also, since it's a new month, 570th in total assets in BS out of more than 35000 people =). And just for good measure I replaced the book on the bookroll.

The summer's waning, and it seems it's around this time I have a spike in stuff to complain about. Stay tuned.

I'm here right now, so I'll be back on Sunday to talk about whatever. There's been a lot going on.

Cheers.